The Worst Christmas Decorations Ever: The SEQUEL

If you haven’t yet read Eagle afternoon host Jas’ post about how he went all Buddy the Elf festive fa-la-la-la-la on us out of the blue on Wednesday, read that one first and then come back to this one. It’s a good read and you’re gonna need that information for this to make any sense.

You back? Okay…here goes.

First of all, I would like to tell Santa that he can stop reading now. There’s nothing to see here. We’ve all been good and some of us need the new iPhone. Thanks Santa!

Now, I’d like to elaborate a little about that whole me being unaware of who hung those Christmas decorations thing. Ohhhh….trust me, I knew. When I asked if he put up the decorations and he “coyly” said no…in my mind, I said, “GAME ON” and it was all downhill from there. He’s right. I was a little rough around the edges. As far as making a Navy Admiral blush with my description of our new decorations? That might be true. I don’t remember much after I was asked what I thought of them but I know my mouth went into autopilot, so I can’t be held totally responsible for that. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak, y’all. Ask a woman what she thinks and be prepared for the answer. Haha! I didn’t know that Eagle morning dude extraordinaire Cash Warren rolled out some choice words of his own until I read Jas’ blog. (Sorry Jas, but I laughed so hard I spewed Diet Dr. Pepper out of my nose.) But I digress a little with the “clearly put up by a man” thing. Everybody knows that Clark W. Griswold had mad skills!

Now, moving on to the pics. The ones he posted look a LOT cleaner and neater and nicer than what I walked into that morning, so they might have been tweaked just a little bit. Or I need new glasses. Whichever. Here was my view of it.



Mmmm hmmm.

When he suggested that our girl Stephanie Taylor hung the decorations, I knew that not to be the case at.all. Miss Stephanie may not believe that she could get a million hits on Pinterest in a hot minute with the decorating skills she has, but the rest of us know she’s amazing at it and could put Martha Stewart to some serious shame. I’d give her the key to my house and credit card and trust her to turn my place into a miniature Christmas Town. I’ve known her long enough to know that this is definitely not her work. And when I flat out asked her? Her response was….”Um…NO.”

Now I do have to give Jas a whole lotta props for testing the theory that people who decorate early are happier people, but sadly, I think me and Cash may have blown the in-house experiment. Our bad. I hope that I speak for us when I say, “we suck.” Had we known it was an experiment, I’m sure we could have lied…and really, REALLY well. I was a “Grinch”, and I’m owning it.

By the way, the person Jas was referring to that called it a monstrosity and submitted it to Reddit’s worst office holiday decorations? Yep, that was me. I’ll be sure to give him all the credit if it goes viral. Lemons into lemonade? 😉

Just messing with ya, Jas! They can stay now. By the way, is there any money in those little stockings? Cuz if there is, please ignore every snarky thing I said about your handiwork. I had forgotten to bring my lunch and you caught me when I was a little hangry. Yeah, that’s it. Hangry made me do it.

Murr Chrissmiss

Signed,

Santa’s elf’s worst nightmare, KW

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