Hey, you’ve been keeping an eye on the news? Yeah, but not the news you’re watching. Check this out!

Here we only talk about the news headlines you really care about. We’ve got a bunch of women dressed in leotards assaulting folks on the New York City Subway. A woman in Japan fell for a guy living on the International Space Station, and a group of daycare workers has been fired for scaring the living daylights out of the kids. It’s news you can use with Cash Warren.